1010p
Sex ruled the morning. I just decided that the best way to move forward and start fresh is to be unpredictable, and to break old habits. As a rule I hate sex in the morning. Well, I broke that mold. Nothing magical changed in the universe, but it was certainly a fresh start to the day.
As soon as I was able I did my last day of Jillian #2! Jillian #3 tomorrow! Well, todays workout was bitter sweet because I went really easy on myself. My knee is just killing me, and I didn’t want to injure myself. I know that Jillian #3 is going to require everything I have tomorrow, and I wanted to be smart so that I have something left to give.
Because of my fatigued joint, I also decided that 6 days of cardio is reasonable, and that I don’t need to make up yesterday. On one side of the issue, I’m proud of myself for not being a perfectionist, for listening to my body and for being flexible. On the other side of the issue, I’m seeing this as the first sign in my cracking resolve (along with not writing yesterday!) to follow through, and I’ve all ready imagined my decline back into hopelessness and an early death. Which one is right? My god, I hope it’s the first one!
I ran errands with Hubby after breakfast, and I packed a big container of brown rice and black beans to take with me. It was cool! Beans and rice are very filling, taste great and are very hardy; they don’t really need refridgeration if you eat them within a few hours.
We went to Home Depot to stare at a bunch of home improvement stuff we can’t afford, and then we went to Bed Bath & Beyond to stare at a bunch of decorating things we can’t afford. Hubby ended up getting me some “light blocking” drapery for my massage office, because I took half our drapes from the living room, and he wants them back. Hubby couldn’t afford it, but you know what? He made it work. I love him.
Oh, some more good news (besides all the PDA’s we had!): We made friends with a really nice gay couple. I just cold called it and bam, it worked! I was a little nervous, because it’s kind of awkward when you see another couple…long story short, I was brave and it paid off! I hope that we’ll last as friends. Hubby and I need more friends, and a gay couple is just awesome! Oh, and they’re animal lovers too!
After that, Hubby returned something to WalMart, and I went grocery shopping. This time I didn’t spend Hubby’s money! I spent my parents money, wee! I am SO not proud of this. However, I do believe that I’ll be able to change my entire life around in the near future; I’m taking many steps to create financial success with the ad, the office space, the website, the cards, the outgoing conversations wherever I go…it’s gotta just be a matter of time now.
When we got home, Hubby went off to comfort a friend, and I did the EA Active. Again, my knees weren’t having any of it, but I did the best I could. I wasn’t POURING sweat, but it was plentiful all the same. Only one more day tomorrow before the weigh in….Oh gosh, I hope it’s been a productive week. I know that I FEEL different…we’ll see just how different I really am on Monday!
A little later in the day, a previously unmentioned friend, “Super Asian” and his husband “Doctor Man” had Hubby and I over to their place. I had called earlier in the day, and asked if ”SuperAsian” could please give me a haircut. I am really poor (Still have the same $12 I had in my account a few days ago, nothing has changed), and I couldn’t afford a haircut. But I feel like I’m changing, and I feel that I’m ready to look a little bit sharper. Oh, did I mention that Hubby paid for my eyebrows to be done today? See what I mean? He provides…that’s how he shows his affection…how did I not see that before?
In any case, with the eyebrows and ESPECIALLY with the haircut, I look gorgeous. I mean, I look absolutely F&$#able! My cheekbones are back, my eyebrows are done, my hair is short, spiky & awesome! I felt SO much better! I’ll take a head shot tomorrow with my new body shots…you’ll say “Ooohhh, pretty!”
It was interesting seeing SuperAsian and Doctor Man interact with eachother tonight…they’re so much like Hubby and me! They were fighting tonight and it was really sad to see. SuperAsian was very dismissive and negative toward Doctor Man and yet Doctor Man just kept going back for more…trying to squeeze blood out of a stone. One was determined not to give anything, and the other was determined to make the other one give something. What a familiar game they were playing. That’s the same game that Hubby and I play, but seeing it in front of me was rough…that’s not what I want for Hubby and me. Our future relationship has GOT to be mutual…let’s hope we can grow that way. =(
Oh, btw, I call my friend SuperAsian, because he is. He’s beautiful, sculpted, educated, smart, sexy, and just a typical overachieving Asian in almost every way. He’s like some kind of Asian Ken doll…and yet, just like Hubby, he could still grow more. He has multiple degrees, multiple talents, and while I don’t know him very well, I know that he pushes himself harder than anyone else. You don’t get those credentials without being hard on yourself. And if he’s anything like Hubby (which he is), he’s never satisfied with anything he does either. He’s a perfectionist. So, SuperAsian it is. It’s not derogatory, or it’s not meant to be anyway…it’s just accurate.
Last 5 minutes of typing here:
On the way to a bookstore, Hubby and I hit a snag and had a little argument; I was upset because I didn’t think that Hubby noticed my hair cut induced, traffic stopping beauty sufficiently enough. What’s a girl gotta do to get some attention around here? I was jealous that he was paying attention to everyone else but me at our friends house…sigh…
In any case, I used this situation as a perfect example of what to do when we argue, and how to use words and a genuinely caring voice to help us get over little stupid arguments like this. I knew I was being a little ridiculous, so this was the perfect kind of argument to practice with! Yesterday he said he was willing to grow and learn new skills to help our relationship, but tonight he didn’t show very much genuine effort. I tried to give him some basic techniques for being polite, and resolving conflicts, but he barely made an effort. Although it was more effort than he’s shown recently.
I don’t know what Hubby is so afraid of. Talking and being poilte and communicating are essential skills in life….let’s see if he will step up to the plate soon. I hope he finds the motivation.
Lastly, I have to confess that it was 9pm when we got home. I was very hungry because I had finished all my food by 4pm today. I ate two veggie patties for a total of 200 calories or 190 calories over my goal for today. But at least my stomach is no longer in pain. I justified it in my mind because I was around 600 calories short yesterday…so for the week it will be okay. Also, I was in pain, but an apple woulda been okay too. Then again, it’s only 100 more calories…apples are around 100 calories…oh, it is what it is. No perfectionism, but be accountable. =)
Tomorrow is the last day. Tomorrow is when my week needs to come together, and I need to do what I can for Monday mornings “weigh in.” I will schedule my food if I need to, so that I am not done eating by 4pm. I will exercise to Jillian #3, and I will do a half hour of cardio as well. I will drink a lot of water, and I will not eat past 6pm. I will eat my goal of 1757 calories as close as I can, and not worry about being 200 over today, or 600 short a few days ago…I’m still fine.
Tomorrow is the time to focus, get back on track, commit to writing about my day EVERY DAY, and to observe, try my best, and treat myself well.
Sorry for the uncontrolled mess of a blog today. Even this blog wasn’t very good today. A laundry list isn’t very exciting…but I trust that looking back on this day will give me more perspective and lessons than trying to see the big picture while I’m still in the middle of it. Night.
Jayson.
No comments:
Post a Comment