I’m getting worse and worse every week at updating my blog, I do feel bad about it but there are just times I haven’t a clue what to blog about and since I dont cook anything fancy or interesting I can’t really post that up either.
This week things havent really changed, I`m feeling as though I`m trapped in between two people at war. On one side we have the ed niggling at me trying to remind me of how I used to be and trying to lure me back to it and on the other side we have a little part of me like the one I was when I was trying to recover, this side wont let me fall back into my old ways it instead says thats to dangerous you have to much to lose. So I find myself stuck between the two and its almost as though Ive compromised in a way, I`m not losing weight but I`m not gaining much either. Unfortunately I`m still trapped in the cycle of controlling my intake and trying to balance things, I cut back to try and make up for sometime I think maybe I have gone over and then this leads to me feeling guilty and trying to make up for it and then I end up mindlessly eating something like cereal then regretting it and so then next day I cut back and so the cycle goes on.
I am terribly scared of swinging from one disorder to another, I mentioned this before and it is a huge fear of mine.
Anyway onto other things, I’ve been thinking a lot about my future recently and I`m still totally confused about where I want to go. I know at the end of this job I’d love to just pack up and go to Australia but really once I get there what would I do for work? I have no skills or qualifications and I`m talking about moving to get a proper job/life so the usual backpacker jobs of fruit picking wouldnt really support that.
I love forensics as well but I just am clueless about getting to the areas I want. The forensic anthropology degree would be wonderful and Id love it but at the end job wise things are a bit unstable. The pathology is out the window because of the medicine reason.
So Ive been thinking that maybe it would be logical to go and study Radiography. The course is 3 years and I hate the thought of going to Uni but at least at the end with this course I would have some certainty of getting a job. I know three years isnt long but I just feel like its holding me back even more, I just want to get up and go but for the reasons mentioned above I need to think things through and choose what would be best in the long term.
Ok this is getting into a long and boring post, i`ll leave you with a couple of little eats today:
Fage mixed with wheatgerm, agave and chopped almonds
This is my recent favourite snack, it also goes really well with dried apricots.
Chorizo and three bean soup
Unfortunately you cant really see all the proper bits of the soup but in there was chorizo pieces, haricot beans, black turtle beans, black-eyed beans, tomatoes and onion. With these colder nights starting to come in this was really nice to curl up to and makes a change from my usual bowls of pasta or chicken. Just to up the protein a little I had a tin of crab with this, another favourite of mine
Extra hour in bed night and I think I`ll be glad of it
xoxo
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