We finally saw “Up” last night and I’m having a hard time shaking it. Interesting how some movies make people feel so good and can make other people feel so sad.
It’s a delightfully cute movie in a lot of ways (SQUIRREL!) but, in pure Disney fashion, it really rips your heart right out of your body. I watched it with my usually stoic husband and he had as hard a time as I did, maybe even more so. We both sobbed in parts – it was so hard on me to see how deeply the movie affected him. I could not hold him long enough or tight enough to suit me.
My husband and I share a lot of dreams, and just like the movie, it seems like “life” always gets in the way. In our case “life” also means my infirmities. I feel like my weight and knee and tendon issues really hold us back from living a more adventurous life, or even a more “us” life. It crushed us both to watch Mr. Fredrickson lose his beloved Ellie. And I wondered if part of the reason my husband was so sad was the very real possibility that, due to my morbid obesity, I will pass on before he does, leaving him alone in a house that was built for both our dreams. It guts me to think that way.
I haven’t talked about weight loss much recently because I’ve really come to understand and believe that excess weight is a symptom of unhappiness rather than the other way around. Maybe it’s a chicken-and-egg thing where one would seem to naturally beget the other. If I were happier, I would be healthier. But if I were healthier, wouldn’t I also be happier? They must go hand-in-hand, right? Does one come before the other?
There are short-term dreams and ideals that I obviously want to lose weight and be healthier for – Hawaii, of course, is what first comes to mind. Not going through another “fat” summer, being more energetic in winter, etc. Feeling pretty and sexy and “normal.”
But, really, at the end of the day, it’s the long-term benefit I should really be focused on. To live as long and healthy and active life as I can with my beloved. To fulfill those pie-in-the-sky dreams we share. To float away in our house to Paradise Falls. TOGETHER. This is what I want. This is what I need. This is what I must do.
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