I am amazed at how much pride I have built up by doing only the things I am good at. In my world, I am at the pinnicle. People come to me for advice, council, and wisdom to help them deal with their struggles in life. I have realized recently that as I have become stronger in these areas, I have become less and less compassionate for their weaknesses. I started thinking, I can do it, so can they.
Today at book camp I am continuing to struggle with the failure of working out. Josh asks, “Planks for one minute”, I do ten seconds. Josh asks, “Twenty pushups”, I do five. All through this I am noticing everyone around me have the ability to accomplish this feat at a greater level then I. My mentality- He is asking for twenty and I do five, so I am not really working out. I am failing, and getting nothing out of it. This is the point where I want to give up (no I am not giving up). I believe I am not doing it, I am not making the mark, and this makes the workout much harder.
Being at the bottom of the class is humbling…ok, too soft of a word, I feel humiliated. My pride has grown so much that it is difficult to take my place as a “have not” in this area. What I am learning is I have to stop comparing what others are able to do to what I am able to do. I am learning this goes both ways. This doesn’t mean as leaders we let those off the hook that are trying, just because they can’t right now. When I couldn’t do any pushups, Josh came over to me and lifted me just enough for me to be able to do the push ups, they were still hard but bareable. I was able to complete 10. It felt good to have a success, even if it was with a little help. It reminded me of a scripture:
Romans 15:1 We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak
Josh would never identify with my weakness and I don’t expect him to. He knows that if I keep going I will be able to do those push ups one day, so he would never provide me with the excuse that it’s ok if I can’t. That just feeds defeat. He is the trainer, and he needs to push me to failure so I can see my successes when I get them. WOW! The light bulb went on when I typed that.
The bottom line is that I am learning to judge myself more according to my potential and not my weaknesses. I have a head, torso, arms, and legs just like everyone in that room. The only difference is that they have been training longer then me. And so I should be doing that for others as well, bearing with them. Encouraging them, while also having compassion on them.
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