In the last week I have given up smoking and started a new diet. I am 38 years old and if I don’t quit smoking cigarettes now, I’m going to end up very old way before my day – especially with asthma. (Oh, that reminds me to take my medicine, which is kick ass and has virtually eliminated all of my asthma symptoms.) If I don’t start to lose weight now, I will very soon end up weighing 270 like I did 2 years ago. Of course, I want it all to happen now! Patience is not my strongest virtue.
I have to accept that this is not only what is best for me, but also that it’s what I want for myself. That will take some time, because in order to really feel that I need to see some changes. Until then, logic has to prevail and I have to just believe that I am doing the right thing.
I am shocked by how quickly I have gained back some of the weight that I lost previously. It took me a little over a year to lose 130 lbs. and I gained back at least 50 of it in 6 months. I don’t expect to lose weight overnight, but I figure either way 6 months is going to pass and this summer I could either weigh 50 lbs. less or 50 lbs. more. But, again, I want it to happen now.
What I need now is the Grace to live in the moment and to appreciate the small steps and stop focusing on the end result. I need to think about one week at a time, one day at a time – not 6 months from now. I need to be self-disciplined enough to follow my diet to the letter, not straying to sneak that piece of cheese or even just an extra Nutrisystem dessert. Oddly enough, my desire to eat is much stronger than my desire to smoke cigarettes. I can attest to my cravings and urges for food being more pressing than my urge to smoke. Why is that? I think that I have a psychological addiction to food – it comforts me, it gives me pleasure, it fills a void. So now I need to find something else to comfort me, to give me pleasure, and more importantly I need to fill that void with something productive and useful. So what do normal people do? What is a normal Saturday like for other people? How do thin people avoid eating all day long?
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