1205a (Next morning)
Let’s chat.
I woke up at 9a, then slept til 10a, then decided to just lay there until I felt like getting up…it was 1105a by the time that happened.
I allowed myself to act lazy today. I only jog 5 days a week, and only work out 4…I have no massages, no commitments, no anything today…
It’s the first day of the week, time for my weigh in…and yet the last couple of days haven’t been anything I’m anticipating to see on the scale.
For the record, I didn’t gain or lose anything. Except perhaps a little in the waist…I think I’m down an inch or so in the waist….HOW is beyond me.
I’m not even going to bother taking a picture this week. The scale said there’s no change.
I only worked out with weights 3 times last week, once with Mr. Trainer, once heavy, and once light.
I did no cardio at all…I was too sick. Bleh.
In any case, I’m fighting against Me today.
I’m fighting my wanting to be done and graduated with my physical recovery.
I’m tired.
I’m exhausted.
I don’t want to:
- Work out
- Eat in a specific way (although I actually DO want to feel good.)
- Keep a food journal
- Weigh and measure food
- Sweat
- Continue to pour more time, talent or money into a business that’s going nowhere…
- Wake up early in the morning
- Go to sleep earlier at night
- Go to any damn Food Issue meetings
- Do any emotional/mental work
In short, I don’t even want to have any problems that need to be dealt with.
Unfortunately, that will never be a reality…so I’m going to either decide to deal with my problems starting tomorrow morning, or I’m going to slide back into a crazy, ineffective way of living.
And to tell the truth, I’m not sure I can even GO back, if I wanted to.
I’m getting too good at living effectively, damnit.
I spent a lot of time organizing my Business Action Page this morning…it felt very overwhelming.
There are 53 Actions I can take in 9 different categories that I can do to help my business.
Of course, some of them take money, so I can only do about 30 of them right now…but it any case…I’m losing hope that I’ll make it, business wise. I don’t like that feeling.
I’m overqualified, and I’m pouting about it now:
- I do good work
- I’m professional
- I have all my licensing
- I have major advertising
- I have a mission statement
- A killer website
- Pictures
- An awesome personality
- A professional office I’m paying rent on
- Free parking
…all I need are the customers!
Well…my food went a little crazy today because of this slippery mental slope I’m on. All I could do is to feel sorry for myself.
And I spent all the rest of my money on Max’s expensive dog food. I have less than $10 in either of my accounts. =(
But that’s okay…I’ll get by somehow. Hubby won’t let me go hungry…
And Max needed that $80 worth of medicated food and glucosamine chonjointant, so that he can walk. He’s 18 and has arthritis….he deserves the food more than I do.
I love that dog more than anything in the world. He’s just an innocent baby who still wants to be involved in the world around him. =)
Even if he does have trouble standing…siggh….why do we have to age? =(
Anyway, I still called my food issue friend at the prescribed time…even though nothing is happening and I’m throwing a mental temper tantrum today.
I cleaned the house before Hubby got home today…he said thank you. I’m just in a funk.
I want the vision that I wrote about yesterday. I want the success, and I’m willing to do the work…I just feel powerless to do much more than I all ready am.
But I’ve got to keep going, keep persevering, keep “at it” until I’m a success.
This seems to be the building phase of my business where I’ll either get worn down, or win.
Damnit.
So, tomorrow I’m planning on going to the gym for a heavy workout in the morning. And I’ve modified my calories for the rest of the week.
200 less over the next 6 days will make up for my stupid, joyless mini binge today.
I hope the mini binge isn’t just something I’m going to do every Monday after my weigh in.
Oh, and I want a lot of sex. My body is ready to go.
See? That’s the problem, or at least part of it….I feel like most of my health problems are gone, I have my sex drive back, and I’m fitting into my size 38 pants…normally!
I FEEL like I should graduate now…but it’s only one small step up a graduated hill of fitness that will continue to get steeper the rest of my life…
Or to put it more humorously, as Billy said to me, “See? You’re in good enough shape that you want people again. Now keep working out until other people want YOU.”
Mwah.
Jayson.
No comments:
Post a Comment