Hello there,
So tonight I’m having a hard time sleeping, and the reason is that I can’t stop stressing over how disgusted I am with myself. I’m a lazy, fat slob and I don’t enjoy life like I used to.
I used to be a serious athlete. I was a swimmer, a good swimmer, and I trained over 20 hours per week. I was in amazing shape, and I loved life. I never turned down an invitation to a party, I loved hanging out with friends, and I loved trying new things.
But ever since I quit swimming I’ve struggled with my weight. I’ve gained fairly steadily about 10 pounds per year since I quit, and the more I gained the less I swam, the less I exercised period because I was ashamed to show my body at a gym. I also began to withdraw from my friends because I wasn’t confindent with what I was turning into. I began saying no to more and more invitations, and now I’ll do almost anything to avoid having to go to a party because I just have no confidence in myself.
I’m lucky that I have a wonderful husband who thinks I’m beautiful no matter how fat I get, but I’m beginning to worry that the love glasses will come off and he’ll see how ugly I’ve gotten compared to the girl he fell in love with.
I currently work in a sedentary job, so I’m pretty much sitting on my ass all day, and then when I come home I usually just plunk myself down on the couch and watch TV and eat supper for the rest of the night. So that means that I get very little exercise these days, so my health is really suffering as a result. I get out of breath when I walk up a couple flights of stairs, and that really saddens me.
Enought is enough. I want my life back (hence the name of my blog), so it’s time to start. That’s not to say I haven’t started before. I’ve lost weight many times, one of those times I even bought into one of those weight loss scams and spent a lot of money for weight that I didn’t keep off. But I’m going to be in a wedding party this coming July, and also my husband and I want to travel to London this summer, so I want to be in shape for both of those events.
My hope is that with this blog I’ll be able to voice my challenges with my weight, and hopefully share some of those struggles with commenters who are going through the same thing. I hope that this will help me to stay accountable and to help myself realize that I really do want to get healthy.
In my next post I’ll put my current weight and a few short-term and long-term goals.
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