Every few years I reevaluate my appreciation for Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.” I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t in some way precipitated by television each time (The Hills, Glee), but whatever, there’s no judgment here.
The melancholy optimism of Journey’s epic, burn-less hit echoes my current positioning.
I got a “job.” I use that term loosely because it is much more for the sake of opportunity than for financial gain. Whatever the pay scale, I will be a weekly columnist at my University’s nationally renowned daily newspaper. This terrifies me but also provides hope for the future. I’ve spent the past few days reading the archives and comparing myself to every entry. I am more of a meandering, psyche-evaluating writer. Any sort of political undertones evade me.
Starting school is a trick bag. I’m thrilled to have this opportunity to get a free education at a great school, but my goals for myself lie somewhere far beyond the stars. Changing a lifetime of poor eating habits in effort to lose 140 pounds is a monumental undertaking. I’m almost to 40 pounds lost, but the exhaustion of full-time brain-cramming and sleep-schedule flip-flop is impeding on my physical victories. I live in constant fear of traveling backwards. And that goes for all aspects of living.
Overflowing opportunity is stiffling. I never thought I’d say so. I dropped by the Hillel building the other day, just to scope things out, learned that I’d entered at just the right moment if I’d hoped to successfully sign up for the free Israel trip. For a fleeting moment, the stubborn, faded “Damn I’m Good” bumper sticker I inherited on my car seemed to have found its rightful owner. But wait, this winter? Like, three months from now? The first moment I have to breathe and be social and pay attention to my mother while she goes through chemo? And I’d still be fat. Which may unfortunately be a similar case next winter. But I’d prefer to hike around Tel Aviv with maximum insight and, as Plato says, we are closest to enlightenment when matters of the body can go unnoticed.
It hurts to turn your back on silver platters.
This year I have been in the right place at the right time. An incredible upswing from the past 22 years. And while that’s something i’m infinitely grateful for, my prior experience of disappointment and self-loathing have left me ill-equipped to properly receive it. But I’m going to soldier on, take it day by day, do my very best. Writing for a wide, prestigious audience will become second nature… right?
First column ideas:
-Social anxiety on campus
-The juxtaposition of dreams coming true
-Alternative Health Care options
-The disability services table and its poor effect on possible romance
-The perils of packing a lunch
…. I’ve been forewarned not to impede on Arts & Entertainment’s territory. Looks like i’ll be in constant opposition with my fingers’ desire to discuss The Hills.
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